loads of shit. oh, i didn't stop blogging yet btw... :|

and then it hits you...  maybe she's not as happy as she makes out to be.  but she won't tell you.


maybe she's scared of rocking the boat.  or maybe she's scared that she won't be able to stop the tears.


and all she wants is someone to take care of her.  but she can't find a guy that will.


and maybe she wants you to understand but she can't find the willpower to ask you to see under the exterior.  and you carry on overlooking what's on the inside.


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she never talks about herself, always wanting other people to be in the spotlight so she can pretend that she's okay too.  i tell her that she doesn't have to pretend to me, she says she doesn't pretend she just hides it.  that she just doesn't mention it and i try and tell her that she can mention anything to me but she saves that for someone else instead.  she says that people say 'a problem shared is a problem halved.'  when it's not it's a problem shared is a problem doubled.  she can't see how it would get it off her chest than if she kept quiet.
she can't see how i want to help her, how i want to know what she's thinking, how she's doing, what's she's saying.
and i know she's known her longer, but is still want to be trusted the same.  i want her to tell me the same things as her and know she can talk to me about anything.  also, her friend is more 'keep quiet and listen' whereas i'm more 'i'm nikky and you better listen to me or you're screwed'.