to those that read the disclosed; I am truly sorry.

i have to have somewhere to write this down.

so here it is.  the whole mess that has become my life.

when i was about ten, everything was perfect.  i got everything i wanted.  i had a great life.

it was all fine.  until my dad got made redundant.  which then he got a job offer.

but it was in spain.  we agreed in the end, after a few holidays there, we would move there.

so we did.  it was all fine.  until the winter.  that was when the amazing dream that i lived in, ended.

i had become a selfish, spoiled brat.  i realized that as soon as i stopped getting everything i wanted.

i got what i wanted and needed, sure.  but not at the click of my fingers anymore.

the winter, you could say, was meagre.  there was hardly any income and we could barely afford rent for the house, never mind the two cars we had and our house back in england.

miraculously, we managed.  barely, but we managed.

we sold the cars and we moved house to somewhere cheaper.  we kept our house in england.

that was when my dad started to change.

he started to want bigger things: bigger jobs, more money, exotic places.  things my mom didn't want.  she wanted us settled in schools and a house with a stable income.

they started to notice the differences in eachother and, you could say, grew apart slightly.

later that year we moved back to england, my dad stayed in spain for awhile and finished up his job.  that was when another job offer came in.  this time, in thailand.

he wanted to take it, he wanted a change of scene and more money.  they offered all sorts to get him over there when we didn't want him to.  it was all a lie.

he barely got paid; but because he loved the job he thought that was okay.  we didn't.

my mom had to start paying everything on her own: bills, mortgage, car tax, everything.

now it's all change.  they've split up, finally.  it was always going to happen...

were moving house in two weeks, letting go of the past was the most vital thing to do.

and the hardest.

none of us thought it was going to end that way....

only two people know about some of this.  if you read this: i don't want your sympathy.  i want your friendship: i want you to ignore it and treat me as if nothings wrong.  i want you to know that if you were really my friend. then you'd accept this and treat me normally.  like you do everyday you've not known this.

it wasn't because i couldn't trust you.  it was because i didn't want anyone knowing.

and now, the whole of cyberspace knows.  anyone with a computer.

but i can't talk to anyone about stuff like this.  i know i say i can, but i couldn't do it without crying.