mixed feelings.

i'm feeling really weird.

i feel misplaced, misguided, unwanted, not needed, unhelpful, depressed, confused, sick, hateful, sorry, bitchy.  and i don't know what to do with these feelings.  lord help me.

depressing music hasn't made it much better, infact, i think it made things worse.  i think it started me off the long cycle of thinking.

now i have a whole night of that to do.  i think i might take a notebook and pen up to bed with me and write my way through it.

my tie's lying in the bowl on the table on top of my maths homework, i'm staring at it every so often for some unknown reason.  i'm meant to be getting a glass of water, but that's not happening right now.

my phones flashing telling me it's dying, i too feel the same way.  wish i could just switch off the way it does.  my confusion is making me feel tired, but you and i both know i won't sleep.
i'll lie awake, and when i shut my eyes see the horrific dreams that haunt me day and night.


i was quite horrible to daniel before, he could tell there was something wrong and he asked, i wouldn't tell him.  i know it would have been worse if i did.